


Maybe you would have been something I'd be good at

by Adarian



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/F, Now with obligatory happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-14 02:07:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7147934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adarian/pseuds/Adarian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Morrigan goes to the Warden, insisting that she ask Alistair to perform the Dark Ritual, Amell reveals that she is biologically capable of taking his place. Realizing that all along Amell would have been able to sire her child, Morrigan mourns the loss of what could have been.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So fun fact: for a long time when I was writing and imaging Nienor, I thought she was trans. It was one of those things I tested and played with. Sometimes it felt right, sometimes it didn't. And when I play through her in Origins, I always play her as "male" and get really pissed off when anyone refers to her as the wrong gender. I actually stopped a 10 hour playthrough in Inquisition because I couldn't handle people misgendering my baby. So...yeah, I don't know where I'm going with this. I never decided absolutely if she was or she wasn't and it's never really been relevant to any of the stories I've written her in so I just left it. She's just...her? Whatever. Here's Wonderwall. 
> 
> I also think this pairs nicely with "Call It Off" by Tegan and Sara because let's just make this even gayer.

Amell murmured, "Let's just leave Alistair out of this."

"What?" Morrigan asked in shock. "You would rather him die a virgin than present a possible solution to him? If the places were reversed, do you not think he would do whatever he could to protect you, his truest friend?"

"That's not what I'm saying, Morrigan. I'm saying we don't need him to get this done and I'd rather spare him from this since I know he won't want to be involved."

"I already told you, Riordan is too far gone. I need Alistair."

Amell sighed, "Morrigan, can you let me finish? You don't need them. You have me."

Morrigan frowned and watching Amell's face, suddenly the truth dawned on her. She had never seen Amell naked, only with her top off once or twice while bathing. And while she certainly had breasts, Morrigan had never looked at her too closely for modesty's sake. But it occurred to her then what Amell meant.

Morrigan blushed. "Forgive me for presuming."

"It's alright," Amell teased nervously. "It's not a big secret."

"So you still..."

"Yes," Amell confirmed. "I wasn't planning on changing that. Breast tissue is an easy thing to manipulate, but I wasn't letting anyone near my genitals to transfigure it. Too much could go wrong and I like the way I look right now."

"I'm sorry," Morrigan apologized. "I didn't mean; I pried when I shouldn't have."

"Morrigan," Amell said, taking her hands in hers. "I think this is one of the rare incidents in history where it is perfectly okay to ask a person what they've got going between their legs."

Morrigan flushed regardless. When she was preparing for this conversation, she did not know how awkward it would make her feel. Certainly this was preferable to Alistair. She liked Amell and valued their friendship. If anyone could put her at ease through this encounter, it was the Warden in front of her.

"I know you are interested in women," Morrigan began, "but I..."

"Look, Morrigan," Amell said kindly, "I'm not someone who chases after straight girls. You weren't interested, I let it be. And...yeah, this isn't my favourite way to have sex, I'm not going to lie, but it can be fun from time to time. Especially with the right person." 

Morrigan sighed in relief. "I did not want you to do something you did not want to do, Warden. So if you are willing...then perhaps we should proceed before we both lose our nerve."

"You aren't going to buy me dinner?" Amell teased, her nervousness clear in her voice. "Usually a lady shows me a good time first."

Morrigan smiled and Amell cupped her face, brushing her hair out of her eyes. Amell kissed her softly, tenderly. 

"I should tell you something," Morrigan interrupted. "It was not that I was not...interested when we met. I knew what had to be done, though I knew you would not believe me then. I did not want to pursue someone who I had to betray later. If I had known...well, perhaps things could have been different."

"I guess it's too late to find out now if you're leaving," Amell said, a pang of regret in her voice. "I should have walked around naked more."

Morrigan giggled. "I don't think Alistair would have survived."

"Drats, I do like him."

Amell kissed her again and Morrigan relaxed a little more under her hands. 

"Is there...is there a way to make you more comfortable?" Morrigan asked.

"No dirty talk and I want you on top of me," Amell said. "I want to be able to look you in the eyes, be able to kiss you."

"That sounds almost romantic," Morrigan teased.

"Well," Amell said sheepishly, "the Dalish celebrate a person's beginning from the encounter where they're begot. I know I'm never going to meet my son, but I'd like him to know he was at least conceived with love."

Morrigan's heart tightened. "You're not Dalish."

Amell smirked. "No, but just in case they're right." 

Amell started unbuttoning her shirt and paused, looking up at Morrigan. "What I said before...I do love you. You're my friend and I admire and respect you. And there's something romantic about making a baby right now. Something hopeful I guess."

Morrigan kissed her and unbuttoned her shirt for her, sliding it off her arms. Amell ran her fingers through her hair as Morrigan worked on her belt. She could feel it now, what she never noticed before, somewhat held down, but not tucked in as much as it could have been. Amell shivered slightly and gently pushed her away. She kicked off her pants and freed herself of her underclothes, standing before her, absolutely beautiful in the light of the fireplace. But still very soft.

Amell stripped Morrigan of her clothes, piece by piece, taking her time. Her gentleness made Morrigan almost more anxious. 

"Are you okay?" Amell asked.

"I didn't expect this to be so...intimate," she admitted.

Amell tried not to laugh, but still smirked. "Well, sex tends to be intimate."

"I meant..."

"You thought this would be a wham-bam-thank you ma'am sort of thing?"

Morrigan agreed, "I was expecting Alistair."

"Now that's just mean. I know he's a virgin, but I'm sure he would have made some effort. He's a gentleman," Amell defended.

"But I imagine being in the Circle you often did not take your time," Morrigan pointed out. 

"As I said, this is the night my son is born," Amell said, kissing Morrigan's neck. "This isn't some quickie in a closet."

"Are you nervous?" Morrigan asked.

"I'm terrified," she confessed.

Amell gasped slightly once Morrigan was naked before her and she could see her quiver slightly. Part of Morrigan wanted to get this over with to protect both their dignity, but she too was becoming swept away with sentiment. The part of her wanting to protect her heart took over and she kissed her passionately, throwing her arms around her.

Amell kissed her back, running her hands through her hair. Morrigan pulled her over to the bed. Amell knelt above her, kissing her softly. Morrigan held her at arm's length, whispering, "Don't."

Amell frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Don't...don't act like you like this," Morrigan pleaded. "Don't act like you love me. Please, just...just get it over with."  
Amell asked, "Is that what you really want?"

"I don't know," Morrigan admitted. "Just..."

_Don't make it hurt to leave you._

Amell sat against the headboard and closed her eyes. She took herself in hand and jerked quickly, trying to get herself hard. Morrigan watched her determination and eventually knelt between her legs and took her into her mouth. Amell gasped, grasping onto the back of her head. She groaned sweetly, her voice dropping slightly. Morrigan liked the sound of her baser voice, deeper, headier. It suited her. 

When Amell hardened enough to her satisfaction, Morrigan pulled up. Amell went to touch her but Morrigan shook her head.

"I just...let's just keep going," she said quietly.

"At your leisure, then," Amell teased.

Morrigan ever so slowly lowered herself onto her, wincing. Amell kissed her shoulders, her neck, anywhere she could reach as Morrigan adjusted. She put her arms around Amell and looked deep into her eyes.

 _I could have loved her,_ Morrigan thought tiredly. _And now, when it is nearly too late, I will lose her._

There was a glimmer in Amell's eyes and Morrigan wondered if somewhere in her heart she was thinking the same thing.

Morrigan started to move, the pain easing. Amell held onto her, kissing her deeply. As promised, she looked into her eyes as she gasped and panted. She gripped into Amell's back and pounded her into her. The other mage grasped at the sheets, moaning under her breath.

"Harder," Amell pleaded.

It made her ache and she sped her actions, her breasts almost hurting from her thrusts. Amell cursed under her breath, bucking into her. She reached between them and stroked Morrigan's clit. Morrigan thought of pushing her away, wanting to stay in control, but the sensation was too sweet. 

Amell kissed her hungrily and Morrigan knew she grew close. Though she had wanted it over with initially, she did not want it to end. She did not know that it could be like this. That it could feel so safe.

She let go of her control and let the feelings break over her. Amell held on tightly and Morrigan was hit with a wave of bliss. She cried out and Amell held her face in her hands, slamming up into her as she too came undone. 

Morrigan knew she should not be able to feel it, but the mood had already shifted, as if there already was a third presence in the room. She did not want to be alone and hung onto Amell, burying her face in her shoulder.

"Are you alright?" Amell whispered.

Morrigan shook her head.

"It's okay," Amell admitted. "I'm not either."

"Please don't go," Morrigan murmured, her words shocking her.

Amell stroked her back. "I thought you were the one leaving me."

Amell withdrew slightly and bit her lip, seeing the sheets. "Morrigan..."

Morrigan flushed. "I was told not every maid bleeds. I thought I would be an exception. I did not want you to decide against the ritual for that reason."

Morrigan met her eyes and saw that Amell was crying.

"Should I let you be in peace, Warden?"

Amell embraced her tightly, wrapping the heavy blankets around them.

"You deserved better than this," Amell said, kissing her hands. "I would have made you feel like a princess, not just..."

"What is done is done," Morrigan murmured.

Morrigan looked into her eyes. _I could have loved you. It would have been safe to love you. And now I lose you._

"When he's born," Amell said quietly, "don't tell him about me. Say you met some gallant knight and fell madly in love. Maybe a handsome rebel apostate. He doesn't need to know about tonight. Let him think his mother was happy."

For a moment, Morrigan did not know which one of them she meant and she was too heartbroken to ask. 

"I need...I need some air," Amell said softly. "I'll be back, I just need to clean up a bit. Stay here, please. I'll get some fresh sheets and we can just talk and be together for a little while. I think it would be good for both of us."

Morrigan sat up and nodded. She pulled the blankets around her chest, trying not to shiver. She thought of running away, but where would she go? This ritual was designed for her to be at the Warden's side when the Archdemon was slain. If she was not, then it was all for nothing.

When Amell returned, Morrigan feigned sleep. Amell hesitated before kissing her forehead and tucking her in. When the door closed, Morrigan pulled the blankets around her tighter and tears fell down her face. 

_You could have loved me too._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now, because of popular demand, a happy ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also there became a whole bunch of impregnation kink at the end here because I was like damn I just want a trans woman to love her body and make some beautiful babies.

Morrigan knew better not to stay. The Archdemon lay dead, the Wardens were safe, and the soul of the old god preserved. This was the part where she ran. It could not be long until the truth came out, when Amell was forced to reveal what she had done. And they would hunt her, chase her to the ends of the earth. The best thing she could do for her and her future child was to make the best use of the head start.

But she could not just flee into the night, not without seeing Amell safe with her own eyes. The Wardens rested at the Royal Palace, one of the few buildings untouched by the invasion. At the threshold however she balked, looking up at the castle.

What would she say? Would she sneak a peak and then flee? Was she strong enough to walk away after saying goodbye? She was afraid, so afraid, and she longed in that moment for her friend. Her friend...her friend who would look at her now and only see a painful evening and a prematurely abandoned child. 

No, Morrigan decided. She could not remain in Denerim. It was time to go, while she had some will in her bones.

***

She didn't stop Morrigan from leaving.

It was the thought that tugged at Amell in the months after the Archdemon fell and Morrigan fled. Something she ignored until she was drinking or just falling asleep. Morrigan was out there and she had just let her go.

Amell played back the moments after the Archdemon lay dead. She was standing, covered in blood, exhausted, and she had turned to see Morrigan, to make sure she was safe. And their eyes met, just for a moment. When Amell reworked the scene in her head, she was never sure what she could have said. 

In the end, Morrigan ran and Amell collapsed, needing Alistair to carry her back. Even then, she could have said something, pleaded with someone to go after her. But she let her go. 

As the months went on, the grief only grew. She was celebrated and had her choice of warm beds and beautiful women, but all she could think about was...was Morrigan. The sex had been uncomfortable and awkward, but it was the promise of what could have been, what should have been. If things had been different, their child could have been conceived in passion, in utter devotion, instead of a tryst that left them both regretful. 

And as the months passed, Amell worried about Morrigan's pregnancy. Was she alone? Was she safe? Was she healthy? Was the baby healthy? It took over her thoughts, still emerging even as Amaranthine went to hell, dragging her with it. The intensity only grew around the date Amell predicted their child would be born. Was he safe? Had the Taint spared him?

Two years after the end of the Blight, Amell was not the same woman she had been when she left the Circle. The other Wardens were of course gentle with her. She had saved the world, given so much of herself, seen so many terrible things. It was understandable that she was so broken, so reclusive. Sometimes she heard them call her martyr, but what hurt her most was seeing Oghren debate about being present in his daughter's life. Amell wanted to shake him, ordering him to not abandon his family. He could not know what it meant to lose a child and Amell hurt so much, her arms aching for a child she would never even meet. How much worse to hold one in your arms and let it go.

But Amell could not share this. She had told none but Alistair, who out of loyalty to her kept the secret. Alistair had tried to comfort her over those months, but she pushed him away. It was too raw; it would always be too raw, and she blamed him, though it was not his fault. She had done this to save him. She could have just let Morrigan seduce him, but she hadn't wanted that. She had wanted to spare him pain and she wanted...

When she and Morrigan first saw each other, Amell thought she knew then that this was special. But as Morrigan withdrew, Amell did too. She thought it was just adrenaline and ignored it, pushed it away. It was something that would tug at her every once in awhile, sometimes in a quiet moment. But she wasn't something who chased after girls and she didn't want to make Morrigan uncomfortable. 

But it could have been so different. Amell could have swept her off her feet, told her every day how beautiful she was. Morrigan's smile had been such a rare thing in their time together. Maybe she would have smiled more. 

Amell was lost in her thoughts when she heard a knock at the door. 

"Come in," Amell said, clearing her throat.

"Sorry to bother you," Nathaniel said, "but I thought you might want to see this. We've had reports of a Chasind witch not far from here. She matches the description of the woman you traveled with during the Blight."

Amell took the paper from him. Normally she would wonder what her scouts were doing pestering someone minding their own business, but hope overwhelmed her. 

"How far?" She insisted.

"Maybe a day's travel to the west. Should we send someone to investigate?"

"No," Amell insisted. "I'm going after her."  
Nathaniel nodded, keeping his eyes down. "Yes, Commander."

Amell swallowed and closed her eyes. "Tell me...was she seen with a child?" 

Nathaniel replied, "No."

Amell's chest tightened. "That will be all, Nathaniel. I will be leaving shortly. I entrust the Keep to you until I return."

"Yes, Commander."

***

Amell had a long time to practice what she would say, but she couldn't get past her fear. Had their child not survived? Had Flemeth found them? Even putting aside all that possibly could have happened to them...did Morrigan want to see her? Why had she come back otherwise? Why now?

Amell was no tracker, but she still found her way through the wilderness. It did not matter the journey, the battles, the weariness, all that mattered was that Amell found herself standing in front of a giant mirror and the woman she loved standing before her. 

"You're alive," Morrigan whispered. "I was so afraid, but you're here...you're really here. I can barely believe it." 

Everything she wanted to say fell away, all except the question that truly mattered. 

"Why did you come back, Morrigan?" 

"Because I love you."

Amell whispered, "What?"

Morrigan confessed, "I have thought of you every day and night since I left you. I have loved you for so long, even if I could not admit it until we were apart. When I heard of Amaranthine, I feared for you so much, and I needed to know you were safe. I have missed you and I have longed for you. Please...please don't leave us."

Amell's heart pounded in her chest. "The baby...he's okay?"

Morrigan reassured her. "He's fine. He's in good hands. I promise."

Relief washed through her. Both of them were alive and safe. Amell tried to speak but found she could not. Morrigan kissed her, cupping her face in her hands. Amell pressed her forehead against hers and put her arms around waist. 

"Come away with me," Morrigan whispered. "There is a place all three of us can be together. Where we can be safe from Flemeth or any other danger. Please...I do not know if I am strong enough to leave you a second time." 

"I will," Amell swore. "Wherever you lead, I will go with you. I will take care of you both, with my own body if need be. I love you."

Morrigan took her hand. "Then let us go." 

And together they stepped through the Mirror.

***

Amell knew much about magic, but she still could not understand the Crossroads. Morrigan explained, but Amell could not fathom the place. There was a house, however, and there Morrigan had raised their son for the past year, alone. She ventured out into the world, sometimes taking him with her, but it was normally too great a risk.

When Amell asked her who had been watching him while she was gone, she did not answer. Amell decided she did not want to know. 

Morrigan led Amell into a nursery and held back, gesturing to the cradle against the wall. Amell went over and looked down, seeing her son for the first time. 

He was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. Curled up in his bed, his hand bunched around the blankets. His hair was dark, like both of them, but he had Amell's ears, the poor thing. 

"His name is Kieran," Morrigan said softly. 

Kieran began to stir and Amell picked him up, bringing him into her arms. Kieran blinked and looked up at her, babbling slightly. He tugged on her hair and Amell tried her hardest not to cry.

"He doesn't have the Blight," Amell whispered.

Morrigan smiled nervously. "No, he's healthy."

Kieran squirmed slightly and Amell handed him over to Morrigan. Kieran looked out at Amell at first with suspicion, but then reached out again, this time to play with her necklace. Eventually Morrigan let him toddle around the floor and he brought Amell a few of his toys, insisting that she play with him.   
Amell spent the afternoon with her son and quickly Kieran warmed to her. By the time he was put to bed, Amell utterly loved him. He was inquisitive and sweet and looked so much like Morrigan it made Amell's heart sing. 

Morrigan and Amell ate dinner in relative quiet and retired to the living room. They spoke for hours in front of the fire, wrapped in the other's arms. When both felt like they could no longer prolong it, they went into the bedroom together. Never a shy woman, Amell kissed her hard, pushing her against the wall. Morrigan gasped and kissed back desperately, tangling her hands in her hair. 

Amell whispered into her ear. "Let's have another one." 

"What?" Morrigan asked, laughing in surprise.

"I want to knock you up," Amell moaned into her skin. "I want to get you big with my baby again. But this time we're going to do it right. I'm going to take care of you, make you feel so good and so loved."

"I thought...you didn't like..."

Amell admitted, "I didn't, but I love you and I want to make you happy. And you make such beautiful babies, Morrigan. I bet you were gorgeous pregnant. I want to see it, so bad. Don't you want it too? We'll do it right, Morrigan. I want to give you everything I couldn't before. I want to be Kieran's mother; I want to be your wife. I want to make love to you until you see stars. Morrigan...marry me."

Morrigan wrapped her legs around her, grinding herself against her. Amell buried her hands in her hair, holding her as close as she could.

Morrigan whispered, "Take me to bed."

Amell nuzzled into her. "Is that a yes, then?"

Morrigan nodded between hungry kisses. "Yes."

That night together years before, Amell had barely been able to get hard, but now she felt like she might die unless she buried herself in her. But she had promised her stars. 

Amell lay down on the bed and brought her into her arms. She kissed every inch of her exposed skin and slowly stripped her to reach more and more. She took Morrigan's breast into her mouth, groaning at the lingering taste of milk. She kissed and licked each nipple until Morrigan was arching her back in desperation. Then she moved lower and lower until she reached the apex of her thighs.

Amell looked up at her in devotion as she took her into her mouth, caressing her gently with her fingers and tongue. She was delighted to feel Morrigan trembling already. She grinned and continued her task ardently as Morrigan wrapped her legs around her head. Amell held onto her hips, burying her face until Morrigan was practically thrusting herself down onto her tongue. When her love came in her mouth, it tasted like almost like mead. Amell drank her down desperately, coaxing her through a second climax before her jaw grew too tired. 

She rose, seeing Morrigan flushed, her eyes brimming still with lust. Amell knelt above her and though her mouth was overworked, she couldn't resist sucking on her breast, her hand on the other as she caressed and pinched. Morrigan had been relatively quiet, hiding her groans under her hand as to not wake their child, but she practically keened then. Amell stopped and Morrigan recovered, catching her breath.

"Too much?" Amell whispered.

Morrigan murmured, "It is good, but they ache too much."

Amell kissed her mouth and Morrigan wrapped herself around her.

"You are wearing too many clothes, love," Morrigan moaned.

Amell kissed her before rising, freeing her body of its clothes and restraints. She normally would feel slightly self-conscious now, her...unique body parts now so obviously on display, but she was too far-gone to care. But Morrigan looked at her like she was the most precious thing in the world and for a moment Amell was so utterly thankful for being born as she was. She wouldn't have been able to slide inside of her, feel her around her, knowing that she could give the woman she loved most in the world a baby. That she had and such a sweet little boy too. Amell had never felt happier in her skin than she did at that moment. 

"You are so beautiful," Morrigan whispered. 

Amell returned to her side and they tumbled into each other's arms. Amell cradled her, kissing her hungrily. Morrigan led her between her legs and Amell slipped into her like they were made to fit each other.

For a moment she didn't move, luxuriating in the feel of her, but slowly she did. Agonizingly slow, she knew, but the look on Morrigan's face made it worth it. Amell reached awkwardly between them and stroked her clit just as tenderly. 

"I love you," Morrigan whispered. She ran her hands down Amell's chest, cupping her breasts, playing with them as she had played with hers. Amell groaned, trying not to pick up pace. Morrigan kissed her neck, nipping slightly. 

"I'm not made of glass," Morrigan groaned. "You gave me gentle love making. Now I want desperation, need. Take me, take me hard."

Amell was slightly unsure of herself, not being especially practiced at the thrusting bit, but she wanted to give Morrigan everything she desired. 

"It'll be easier if I'm behind you," Amell murmured, "but I'll miss your face."

Morrigan kissed her. "I'm getting too sensitive and I don't want you to stop. I need you. I need you to finish inside me. I want you to get me with child."

Amell groaned and withdrew, rolling Morrigan beneath her. She held onto the headboard with one hand and the other on Morrigan's hip, holding her tight while trying to balance herself. It was harder this time thrusting into her, but she gained a rhythm, inspired by Morrigan's moans. 

"Touch yourself for me," Amell whispered. "Please."

Morrigan did so without hesitation, rubbing herself with one hand. The other supported her, but not well enough, causing Morrigan's breasts to rub against the sheets. The low groan in her throat indicated that she did not mind.

"Maker, Morrigan," Amell groaned. "Do you have any idea what you do to me? You look so hot right now, so sexy. I'd do anything for you, anything to make you smile, love. What can I do? What can I do?"

Morrigan whispered her name desperately, and shook, clenching down around her. The only other word she could make out in Morrigan's muffled sobs was "Harder."

Amell lost herself to her bucking and rutting, Morrigan gasping and groaning beneath her. She could feel herself getting close and Morrigan whispered, "Don't you dare pull out on me, Warden."

"You want me to knock you up that badly?" Amell whispered hoarsely. 

Morrigan begged, "Please."

Amell slammed into her a few more times before reaching her peak. She pushed herself deep into her, spurting as Morrigan rubbed herself to her own completion. Amell stayed in her as long as she could before she grew too soft and was forced to withdraw. They lay side by side and Amell kissed her belly and licked the drops of seed that had escaped her sex. 

Morrigan shuddered, utterly spent. Amell flopped back down beside her, feeling her own body. It felt right, felt good. The discomfort she feared was nowhere to be found. The relief only added to her blissed out state.

Amell brought her into her arms. "We've got all of Thedas at our fingertips. Where do you want to get married? I've got to make an honest woman of you after all."

"I think you're several months too late for that," Morrigan teased.

"Don't remind me," Amell murmured, stroking her face. 

"I am more than happy to make up for lost time," Morrigan said. "I have heard rumours of Grey Warden stamina and if you do intend to get me with child, it may take more than one attempt."

Amell grinned. "Well, if you insist."


End file.
